Let’s talk about how to change your approach when you’re speaking, so that you can calm the mental and emotional whirlwind you experience when you get up on stage.
One thing we’ve found helpful is to find something external to engage with. For example, look at a person in the audience who is clearly enjoying the talk. Or you choose a friend or someone you trust and you look at them, you give your talk to them, just like you were having a conversation with them or explaining something to them.
Then you wait for their feedback: look for how that person feels, how they smile when you make a joke, that kind of thing. When you’ve been doing this for a while, you can then reduce your anxiety more generally by doing the exact same with your audience. By this point, you’re now looking for external feedback, rather than thinking about yourself. Inside you might still be anxious, but you’ve moved your focus elsewhere.
Jokes can also be a big help. All of us who speak in front of groups of people know that in certain moments jokes are essential, because with a simple joke you can create a bond with the audience.
Or you can put up a video clip for a couple of minutes. Anything that allows you to breathe, stop, and gather yourself. Anything technique that forces you not to listen constantly to the inner proliferation of “I feel so nervous, I feel nervous.”
The other issue is that we consider certain things to be negative when they’re not negative at all. Pauses are a good example. Pauses help people in the audience to soak in everything you are talking about.
We read somewhere that silence is the most powerful of words. When you pause, you make others focus exactly on what you are going to say. It’s not that you’re lost for words. It’s quite the opposite: you’re building a sense of anticipation for what comes next. That contrast comes in really handy.
You can also try visualising yourself before the talk. Before the talk, alone, with ourselves, we close our eyes and visualize ourselves being successful.
This builds the expectation within ourselves that we’re going to be successful, not a failure. Let's avoid thinking that we're going to fail. Let's not think that we're going to be forget what to say, or that we're going to sweat. Let’s not think about that.
If those thoughts come up, we return our mind to success. happens, we'll cut it out. We visualise ourselves being successful.
Another problem is that sometimes we start the talk well, but then soon after we stumble. After feeling confident and relaxed, we get nervous and overwhelmed, and we start making one mistake after another, and we have a rough time of it.
The problem with anxiety is that it is quite easy to control for a few minutes, especially when you start. Often we learn techniques that help us control our anxiety for the first few minutes of talk, such as memorising the first section. This is a common solution that people try when they’re afraid of public speaking.
The problem is that you’re focusing too much on the first section. You have it all planned out, so planned out that you don’t know how to loosen up after that!
We suggest you don’t think in terms of sections and that you don’t try to totally nail the first five minutes. This leads to that pattern of strong start followed by a sharp fall.
Don't try to learn from memory. Try the other way around: to entice, to entertain, rather than trying to be 100% correct. This is a total mindset shift that will help you be a natural speaker and take you out of your anxious inner state.